My cousin buys a selfie stick.

My cousin buys a selfie stick. We decide to try it out by capturing a nice big picture of the whole family together. The seriousness lasts all of 4 seconds before someone makes a poop joke and the whole thing completely devolves into uncontrollable laughter & pandemonium. Typical.

Long story short: my family rules and I wouldn't trade this pack of weirdos for any other family. I love them. #AVeryNobleThanksgiving

I never get over what a rad grown-up my little dude's turning into.

I never get over what a rad grown-up my little dude's turning into. As long as we always stay best friends, I'll allow it…

Crazy that I've now spent the last 14 years of my life without my best friend.

Crazy that I've now spent the last 14 years of my life without my best friend. November 4th, 2001 was the suckiest day of my life, but those that know me well know it's also the day that made me become the man I am today, and I LIKE the man I am today.

Thank you for sacrificing your life to make me the better, nobler person I am today, Tyler. But I'd give up every single thing I've learned & way I've grown to talk to you & see your crooked smile again.

Love & miss, every single day,
—Fat T.

If any of you or someone you know struggle with depression or are in a suicide crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or visit afsp.org, or if you'd just like to talk I'm always here as well, just shoot me a private message.

Hey, world, enough of the horseshit about Steve Jobs being a creative visionary and artist—he was a brutal...

Hey, world, enough of the horseshit about Steve Jobs being a creative visionary and artist—he was a brutal laissez-faire capitalist and Ayn Randian prick, who built his charity-averse empire on others' inventions (the MP3 player, Unix, anything created by Xerox PARC…) with better marketing. Even the devices he sold are not, contrary to Apple's hyper-effective consumer brainwashing, about creativity—more than any other company except perhaps Amazon, Apple products are meant to CONSUME, not create.
http://www.washingtonian.com/blogs/bestbites/todd-kliman-otherwise/steve-jobs-was-not-an-artist-todd-kliman-otherwise.php#.VgCnQIZI3yZ.google_plusone_share

Not only is The League​ a profoundly unfunny show, but its lead is an asshole who cynically exploited a tragedy in...

Not only is The League​ a profoundly unfunny show, but its lead is an asshole who cynically exploited a tragedy in which thousands of people died to fabricate a story that makes him sound deeper and more complex than he really is. Steve Rannazzisi​ also lied about attending a prestigious performing arts college, to the same end. Seriously, fuck this guy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/17/arts/television/steve-rannazzisi-comedian-who-told-of-9-11-escape-admits-he-lied.html?mwrsm=GooglePlus

Burning Man is awful and so is its founder; read an old white dipshit be completely deaf to his own astounding...

Burning Man is awful and so is its founder; read an old white dipshit be completely deaf to his own astounding racism here:
http://gu.com/p/4c57e/sgp

My little brother Nick Noble​ makes me watch his Chicago Bulls​ beat the Utah Jazz​ in the 1998 NBA Finals fucking...

My little brother Nick Noble​ makes me watch his Chicago Bulls​ beat the Utah Jazz​ in the 1998 NBA Finals fucking weekly. #NBAClassic

Just gettin' drunk in a Minor Threat shirt. #hypocrite #poser

Just gettin' drunk in a Minor Threat shirt. #hypocrite #poser

Resisting neoliberalism in post-Katrina New Orleans, or: supplanting a Jobs For All, Free Public Services for All...

Resisting neoliberalism in post-Katrina New Orleans, or: supplanting a Jobs For All, Free Public Services for All through public works agenda for the demand-less, objective-less nebulousness of movements like Occupy and #BlackLivesMatter:
https://www.jacobinmag.com/2015/08/katrina-ten-year-anniversary-public-housing-charter-schools/

Donald Trump Just Stopped Being Funny

http://rol.st/1HZU8sU

#karaokenight 🎦🎤🎼

#karaokenight 🎦🎤🎼

I should not be allowed to have Babybels in my house you guys, parole officers should follow up with me or something.

#maturity

#maturity

Also, tonyhell on 👻snapchat for loads of #goodtimes

Bowling rules. So does beer.

Bowling rules. So does beer.

When you're going through your phone and find pictures from a party last week of yourself and your friends' sweet...

When you're going through your phone and find pictures from a party last week of yourself and your friends' sweet kids.

OnePlus Invites - OnePlus.net

https://oneplus.net/invites?kid=6HPER

The only 3 reactions I have watching #TrueDetective season 2:

The only 3 reactions I have watching #TrueDetective season 2:

1. Asking, "Why?" out loud at all the plot non sequiturs.

2. Rolling my eyes so far back I can see my own brain stem.

3. Laughing, fucking hard, at things that're probably not meant to be funny.

It's been a year since Eric Garner's death.

It's been a year since Eric Garner's death. Over the weekend, Black Lives Matter protesters crashed a town hall debate in Phoenix between two Democratic presidential candidates, former Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley and current Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders. Their response was astoundingly tone-deaf and oozed white privilege.

The problem with the “all lives matter” or “White lives matter” mantras are that they dismiss the significance of black lives by failing to acknowledge the reason for the “black lives matter” movement. In our culture, it's black lives that are systematically and disproportionately cut short by racist police officers, not white lives.

The slogan “black lives matter” isn't saying “only black lives matter”—it's acknowledging that in a structurally racist culture, white lives already matter by default. By contrast, black lives have historically and are still often viewed as expendable by those who exercise power and authority, including most notably law enforcement officers. By adding the caveats that “white lives matter” and “all lives matter”, one (perhaps inadvertently) speaks the language of the White supremacist, by invalidating black protesters' claims to being disproportionately targeted for police killings.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love and admire the 125-year-old company Nintendo.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love and admire the 125-year-old company Nintendo. Yesterday president and CEO Satoru Iwata passed away at age 55.

For nearly a decade Nintendo has hosted a unique Q&A column called "Iwata Asks" where Iwata interviews other game developers. I can think of no better way to celebrate the life and mourn the passing of the man than to read the archives, as the columns are fascinating and enlightening and Iwata's personality really shines through them all.

No matter your console allegiance, your favorite genres, your view on Nintendo, or any other baggage you may have, let us all take a while to give such an industry pioneer the respect he deserves. If anything lies beyond life, may you find happiness in it Iwata-san, and thank you for making my life so much richer and more enjoyable through your life's work.
http://iwataasks.nintendo.com/

Fuckin' yup.

Fuckin' yup.
http://thetrichordist.com/2015/07/01/millennials-vs-the-punk-rock-generation-apms-marketplace-accidentally-illustrates-absurdity/

First Dez Cadena quits the band, and now your Misfits denim jacket was made in China by suicidal factory workers.

First Dez Cadena quits the band, and now your Misfits denim jacket was made in China by suicidal factory workers. Welcome to the decline.

On this day in SLC in 1848, Porter Rockwell rode a handmade unicycle around the temple lot 6 times wearing nothing...

On this day in SLC in 1848, Porter Rockwell rode a handmade unicycle around the temple lot 6 times wearing nothing but his cowboy boots, a leather holster, & a cowboy hat. He fired 2 shots into the air, 1 from each pistol, every time he passed a giggling Eliza R. Snow. Brigham Young watched from the center of the lot, remarking to Wilford Woodruff, "What a goddamn idiot." (Brigham Young Diaries. Volume 7, page 83. LDS Church Archives).

You're looking at the Alta Canyon Baseball 2015 Bronco Division Champions!

You're looking at the Alta Canyon Baseball 2015 Bronco Division Champions! Just look at that scoreboard, way to go dudes! Pretty fuckin' proud right about now! #littleleague #baseball #fundamentals #prouduncle #bestfriend #bff

Love, love, LOVE this article.

Love, love, LOVE this article. Whenever 'moderates' whine about our 2-party system or tout their social progressivism while espousing fiscal conservatism, I roll my eyes so far back into my skull I can see my own brain stem—societal & economic issues are deeply intertwined, buttressing each other up on foundational, core beliefs. Trying to be some milquetoast centrist means you're either an idiot or a pussy, or both.
http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/7-things-people-who-say-theyre-fiscally-conservative-socially-liberal-dont

#Wendover #memories from Doug Carr​'s 30th birthday.

#Wendover #memories from Doug Carr​'s 30th birthday. Because casinos tend to frown on taking pictures of their strippers or angry pit bosses. But really, what's more apropos than an out-of-order bathroom in Wendover? It's the perfect metaphor, really.

Even though it'd probably literally kill us if we did it any more than biannually, I sure do love drinking, camping,...

Even though it'd probably literally kill us if we did it any more than biannually, I sure do love drinking, camping, drinking, lounging, drinking, partying, & of course drinking with Alex Mendenhall​. So long & thanks for the 96-hour hangover motherfucker, time to be sad all the time & count down the days 'til we can Laverne & Shirley around LA again. 👬💞

#reunited #threeamigos #trescaballeros #drinkingfor72hours #24hourstogo #stoked #liverfailure #livertransplant

#reunited #threeamigos #trescaballeros #drinkingfor72hours #24hourstogo #stoked #liverfailure #livertransplant

Not gonna let a little thing like death stop me & my best friend from sharing some beers for his 31st birthday!

Not gonna let a little thing like death stop me & my best friend from sharing some beers for his 31st birthday! Happy birthday Ty, love & miss erryday.

Little League could learn a few things from MLB​'s new pace-of-play rules. #take

Little League could learn a few things from MLB​'s new pace-of-play rules. #take

Break from family baseball for best friend selfies & shit.

Break from family baseball for best friend selfies & shit.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how negative, sexist & heteronormative skate culture has regressed to...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how negative, sexist & heteronormative skate culture has regressed to nowadays—a perusal of the skate mags of record & a random sampling of some young skaters (both amateur & pro) on the social networks brings up frequent uses of the words "pussy", " gay", "faggot" & "nigga". Bros have appropriated my beloved subculture, & I fucking hate it. Skating in my day meant positivity, lifting others up, & bettering oneself. Recalcitrance & anti-authoritarianism have always been an important part of the subculture, but it seems to me that being a progressive, sensitive, pro-feminist LGBTQ supporter is far more rebellious & noble than being a casually racist, misogynist, heterosexist bro, even in this day & age.

On that thought, here's a really cool old picture of Rodney Mullen skating in LA with Minor Threat in the background.

My #bestfriendsgirlfriend cracks me the fuck up.

My #bestfriendsgirlfriend cracks me the fuck up.

Who needs emoji when you're a bomb-ass #artist like I am? #boredatwork

Who needs emoji when you're a bomb-ass #artist like I am? #boredatwork

Are greenhouses weird when you're hungover? I can't decide.

Are greenhouses weird when you're hungover? I can't decide.

Work today's got me like:

Work today's got me like:

A little lesson, ladies: drinking swill can be fine, but if your man doesn't keep good beer in his fridge, dump his...

A little lesson, ladies: drinking swill can be fine, but if your man doesn't keep good beer in his fridge, dump his tasteless ass & date somebody who doesn't suck.
(And yes, they're mega-organized on account of my severe, debilitating OCD, step off my nuts.)

Today, my beloved Orioles played a regular season game at Camden Yards before an official crowd of 0.

Today, my beloved Orioles played a regular season game at Camden Yards before an official crowd of 0. It was eerie, chilling, and more than just symptomatic of the currently smoldering racial & economic conditions in Baltimore—it's such a perfect metaphor for the whole situation it's almost poetic. See, for 25 years now Camden Yards has been held up as the template for urban renewal for Baltimore & many other blue-collar cities like it that were once hubs of industry. These retro-classic ballparks were all built with promises of economically competitive jobs that would replace the industrial labor of the past. What the stadiums have instead brought is gentrification & displacement, becoming symbols of economic & racial apartheid. Dave Zirin has a great article up at The Nation for more. #BaltimorePoliceDepartment #Baltimore #FreddieGray #BlackLivesMatter
http://m.thenation.com/blog/205561-apartheid-games-baltimore-urban-america-and-camden-yards

Oh, shit, mic dropped.

Oh, shit, mic dropped. #BPHSWalkout #Justice4All #BreakTheCycle‪ #‎BaltimorePoliceDepartment‬ #‎Baltimore #‎FreddieGray‬ #‎BlackLivesMater‬

If I weren't so all-about #voting, #civicduty & all that, I'd sure be fucking irritated about serving #juryduty...

If I weren't so all-about #voting, #civicduty & all that, I'd sure be fucking irritated about serving #juryduty every 2 years I'm eligible like goddamn clockwork for the past decade. Yay #democracy, but jury duty is fucking terrible.

#dietarystaples #spam #msg

#dietarystaples #spam #msg

You know, two of the neatest inventions in human history are alcohol & cameraphones.

You know, two of the neatest inventions in human history are alcohol & cameraphones. This late-night drunken selfie is brought to you by both of them.

#hootratshit

#hootratshit

When you're a grown 30-year-old man this is how bad you fuck up selfies.

When you're a grown 30-year-old man this is how bad you fuck up selfies. Also I'm gonna miss this asshole when he moves back home to Texas next week. Being my boss ain't easy—thanks for putting up with my shit & taking it all in stride Brando!

I know the most awesome people, and they give the most awesome gifts.

I know the most awesome people, and they give the most awesome gifts.

"In our sun-down perambulations, of late, through the outer parts of Brooklyn, we have observed several parties of...

"In our sun-down perambulations, of late, through the outer parts of Brooklyn, we have observed several parties of youngsters playing 'base', a certain game of ball…Let us go forth awhile, and get better air in our lungs…The game of ball is glorious…

"It's our game: that's the chief fact in connection with it: America's game: has the snap, go fling, of the American atmosphere — belongs as much to our institutions, fits into them as significantly, as our constitutions, laws: is just as important in the sum total of our historic life." —Walt Whitman #OpeningDay

Our poker pot.

Our poker pot. High-rollers only, low-rollers need not apply. (The bullet's kind of a wildcard bonus win; it can potentially be used to make quite a bit more money.)

Title

How do you get gout? I think I have gout. What's gout?

#dogfriends

#dogfriends

I don't like St.

I don't like St. Patty's Day. Oh, you want an ethnocentric celebratory holiday too? Nice try, white people. I can enjoy whisky & stout just fine without disgusting food coloring in it, and my idea of a good time isn't listening to heavily-bearded bores chat up their future date-rape victims about their 1/16th Irish heritage in a crowded bar. If you need me tonight I'll be at home, getting drunk over the unfortunate results of the Israeli election, wishing it were Cinco de Mayo.

I guess Japan round 2 is a go this October!

I guess Japan round 2 is a go this October!

My Grammy experience.

My Grammy experience. I don't know who a single person is. Literally not 1 single person. So if anyone needs me, I'll be at home drinking beer and listening to my Crass & Misfits records.

After politely & briefly responding to numerous people's fawning reviews of the film 'American Sniper' with, "I...

After politely & briefly responding to numerous people's fawning reviews of the film 'American Sniper' with, "I didn't like it," I've been pressed to elaborate why. Here, all at once, is my 2 cents why:

It tired to do what 'The Hurt Locker' and to a lesser extent 'Zero Dark Thirty' successfully did, but unlike Bigelow's incredible films Eastwood's drips with cheap sentimentality, cheesiness, blind jingoism, xenophobia bordering on abject racism, and nearly breaks its back bending over backwards to ass-kiss its biographical subject.

Granted it was based on a self-aggrandizing, un-corroborateable, jingoist, xenophobic autobiography, so Eastwood didn't exactly have the greatest jumping-off point, but Eastwood has now established a habit of making hollow films about subjects which his entitled old white straight male ass has no insight to offer (racism with 'Gran Torino', the Iraq War & being a soldier with this).

In the opening scene of 'American Sniper', Cooper's character catches his girlfriend cheating on him, and she accuses him of being a bad lay, which he kind of just dismisses. Eastwood strikes me as someone who's familiar with this accusation, and now he's brought the same level of impotence and dismissiveness of it to his filmmaking—we're unsatisfied Clint, it's apparent you don't know what you're doing, and it's not that we don't "get you" or whatever; it's because you, Clint, are a bad lay.

Owning a home is cool! (And yeah I know my hands are dry, I don't moisturize, get off my fuckin' back.)

Owning a home is cool! (And yeah I know my hands are dry, I don't moisturize, get off my fuckin' back.)