Zoo lights dump…because you can’t spell “booze” without “zoo”!

Zoo lights dump…because you can’t spell “booze” without “zoo”!

Yesterday marked the midpoint between the last out of the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬ & the 1st ‪#‎SpringTraining‬ game.

Yesterday marked the midpoint between the last out of the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬ & the 1st ‪#‎SpringTraining‬ game. 43 days 'til pitchers & catchers report, 90 days 'til #OpeningDay …

That's just a TV sticking out of the snow. #keepSaltLakeweird

That's just a TV sticking out of the snow. #keepSaltLakeweird

OH MY GOD ALEX JUST GOT BACK IN TOWN I'M SO HAPPY I'VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD ALEX JUST GOT BACK IN TOWN I'M SO HAPPY I'VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas…good will toward men…and women. #25daysofBatmanReturns

Merry Christmas…good will toward men…and women. #25daysofBatmanReturns
#bestTimBurtonfilmever #bestChristmasfilmever #bestBatmanfilmever

Woah. Now the party's here. Merry Christmas from the Nobles!

Woah. Now the party's here. Merry Christmas from the Nobles!

To me, nothing says Christmas like a 3-liter jug of Lambrusco in my parents' fridge & Noble Nog.

To me, nothing says Christmas like a 3-liter jug of Lambrusco in my parents' fridge & Noble Nog. (My brother Steve won't let me show the recipe for Noble Nog.)

The best advertisements are usually the most racist advertisements. #farararara

The best advertisements are usually the most racist advertisements. #farararara

Fuck the space shuttle, I want the Magic School Bus back in service.

Batkid was 2013's Kony.

Batkid was 2013's Kony.
http://gawker.com/how-many-people-died-because-of-batkid-1487224685?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=fridayPM

You guys in a moment of weakness I shaved my 'stache off & I'm not sure how I feel about it…

You guys in a moment of weakness I shaved my 'stache off & I'm not sure how I feel about it…

Everything you should know about my childhood/adolescence.

Everything you should know about my childhood/adolescence.

Looks like it's time to test my handicraft skills, 'cause I need like a bunch of these, right now!

Looks like it's time to test my handicraft skills, 'cause I need like a bunch of these, right now! 65 days 'til pitchers & catchers report, 112 days 'til Opening Day…

It's December, which means all I'll be watching for the next 4 weeks is the best Christmas movie AND best Batman...

It's December, which means all I'll be watching for the next 4 weeks is the best Christmas movie AND best Batman movie of all time on a continuous loop.

No I didn't mug Flavor Flav today, I just have an American Express & an impulse control problem.

No I didn't mug Flavor Flav today, I just have an American Express & an impulse control problem.

I have the most honest coworkers.

I have the most honest coworkers.

Well Friendsgiving was a rousing success, which almost by definition means Thanksgiving is ruined.

Well Friendsgiving was a rousing success, which almost by definition means Thanksgiving is ruined. If anyone needs me I'll be home nursing this hangover & being thankful for having the most awesome group of pals a fella could go through life with.

FURTHERMORE, passion of the christ sucked ass lol

FURTHERMORE, passion of the christ sucked ass lol
—Every film essay I've written

Be jealous.

Be jealous. Because my coffee date this morning is one of my dearest friends, who's also an amazing human being, who's also a talented go-getter superstar, who's also a total fox. This was long overdue & much needed.

Bourjos to St. Louis for Freese lolwut This is how the Cards stay so good while the Angels stay so bad.

Bourjos to St. Louis for Freese lolwut This is how the Cards stay so good while the Angels stay so bad.
http://www.mlb.com/news/article/mlb/angels-acquire-third-baseman-david-freese-from-cardinals-in-exchange-for-peter-bourjos?ymd=20131122&content_id=64139700&vkey=news_mlb

Oh cool, Chuck Palahniuk has a new book out for me to never read but hear all about from boring idiots, constantly.

Who would market diarrhea in a bottle? Guy Fieri would.

Who would market diarrhea in a bottle? Guy Fieri would.

What if Stephen Hawking is dead but we don’t know it because his computer became self aware?

Calm down. Costco was not "insane" today. Sudan is insane. Costco was busy.

I like Joe Scarborough's haircut. I never thought I'd day that.

The expectations for this album were incredibly high, and it delivers, but often in ways you may not expect.

The expectations for this album were incredibly high, and it delivers, but often in ways you may not expect. It's sentimental, but very few times in an obvious way. Even at its worst it's a stark reminder of just how well-written Sly's melodies and lyrics were, and how ominous. It paints a portrait of a man—not a perfect or exalted one but not a damaged or tragic one either—just an imperfect, decent, sensitive, loving, intelligent man, in his own words, then presented through the prism of the people who loved him.
https://play.google.com/music/playpreview?preview=AE9vGKpMhNJKdbf8vNbEqiR5FDaBDkp-GNruJmVcXDuxz-WJOiwZLtcv4lKGzixOpKuFBt3hnBkPAZ4ibDe8LloDzvKd-3anUH-dGuc3DevfmfSSd1HJzissZk6w9ima-qGpRXdvRbNOYNoxGDZoKnYlAYkQpeJfXu4VE9UPBqC87lXAwkx4k5M%3D

What were the odds that Red Sox Nation would be by far the less insufferable fan base during the World Series?

What were the odds that Red Sox Nation would be by far the less insufferable fan base during the World Series?
http://deadspin.com/why-your-cardinals-suck-1443513646?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=fridayAM

If you have enough free time to write a blog then your parenting advice is worthless to me.

"What the tea party & Boehner didn't reckon is that Obama & the Democrats are done being intimidated by the use of...

"What the tea party & Boehner didn't reckon is that Obama & the Democrats are done being intimidated by the use of extra-constitutional means to extort concessions that the right can't win through normal legislative & electoral methods…Obama doesn’t just want to get past this crisis. He wants to win. And win he must, because victory is essential to re-establishing constitutional governance, a phrase that the tea party ought to understand."
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/the_tea_partys_last_stand_20131006/

I live for baseball, but MLB's anti-trust exemption is a joke.

I live for baseball, but MLB's anti-trust exemption is a joke. An even bigger joke, however, is the NFL's tax-exempt status.
http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/the_nfl_symbolizes_economic_unfairness_in_america_20131003/

Seriously what in the holy jesus is wrong with Travis Wilson's face. Pic fucking related.

Seriously what in the holy jesus is wrong with Travis Wilson's face. Pic fucking related.

Thom Yorke and Flea's band should've been called "Asshole Supercollider."

Hey SLC friends, Doug Carr keeps telling me about some place he's seen on Facebook where you can trade pairs of...

Hey SLC friends, Doug Carr keeps telling me about some place he's seen on Facebook where you can trade pairs of socks for bamboo ones, but now we can't find it because we're bad at the Internet. Any help? Because until we find it we're just 2 assholes driving around with boxes of socks in our cars.

There is nothing more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat.

Oh, and Carl Sagan's Cosmos is no longer available to stream on Netflix…I might as well just fucking die.

Oh, and Carl Sagan's Cosmos is no longer available to stream on Netflix…I might as well just fucking die. Thanks for the laughs, America.

This made me laugh way harder than it should have today.

This made me laugh way harder than it should have today.

Getting my yearly dose of weird out of the way in one day (by weird I mean fucking awesome) with Doug Carr & Geoff...

Getting my yearly dose of weird out of the way in one day (by weird I mean fucking awesome) with Doug Carr & Geoff Hayes.

…Remind you of anybody? I mean, his beard's better than mine, but other than that it's pretty uncanny.

…Remind you of anybody? I mean, his beard's better than mine, but other than that it's pretty uncanny.
http://gawker.com/man-with-ocd-blows-internet-away-with-hauntingly-stirri-1111560858?utm_source=Front&utm_medium=Recirculation&utm_campaign=afternoon

I may have gone a little overboard with Doug Carr at the Asian market…

I may have gone a little overboard with Doug Carr at the Asian market…

The Janeane Garofalo episode of StarTalk Radio made me lose all respect for Neil deGrasse Tyson.

The Janeane Garofalo episode of StarTalk Radio made me lose all respect for Neil deGrasse Tyson. Kind of a bummer, I was really looking forward to the new Cosmos.

I'm bad at selfies. Probably 'cause I'm almost 30. Is that lame?

I'm bad at selfies. Probably 'cause I'm almost 30. Is that lame?

So this Robin Thicke is just another Lady Gaga alter ego, right?

I ruv Japan!!

I ruv Japan!!

Turning Japanese.

Turning Japanese.

If Michelle Rodriguez were a girl, I'd fuck her.

Remember this, as the day the music died, and NOFX's "The Separation of Church and Skate" came true…

Remember this, as the day the music died, and NOFX's "The Separation of Church and Skate" came true…
http://www.punknews.org/article/52019/warped-tour-offering-free-admission-for-parents

Isaiah: "Did you know I have 3 dads?

Isaiah: "Did you know I have 3 dads? My stepdad Jon, my real dad Steve, and you." There you go, straight from the kid's mouth, feel free to wish me a happy father's day. Gifts appreciated.

Someone's been learning cursive. It makes all the no-reason presents even fancier.

Someone's been learning cursive. It makes all the no-reason presents even fancier.

Why I hate basketball:

Why I hate basketball:
http://deadspin.com/nobody-can-hijack-a-playoff-game-quite-like-an-nba-refe-510264867?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=morning

Ten years ago I made one of the best friends I ever had, and ever will, make.

Ten years ago I made one of the best friends I ever had, and ever will, make. Ten years and countless adventures, arguments and crys on each other's shoulders later, and I can say I thoroughly enjoyed my 20s, and most of that is because of Alex Mendenhall. I still have like a half-dozen more best friends here and he's not dying or anything, but he'll live across the country, I'll only see him twice a year and I won't be able to be at his house in 15 minutes every day anymore, and there's a big unfillable Alex-shaped hole in my heart because of that. Goodbye, brother. I'll miss you.

Pretty uncanny, considering I wasn't even trying.

Pretty uncanny, considering I wasn't even trying.