If you watch Brokeback Mountain backwards, it's about two cowboys having sex.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my ankle is healing up and feels better and everything, but a part of me was hoping it...

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my ankle is healing up and feels better and everything, but a part of me was hoping it would heal weirdly tight like in "Rookie of the Year" and I'd beat Usain Bolt at the Olympics.

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The Red Hot Chili Peppers' music reminds me of walking home from school on a really hot day as a kid and you're so...

The Red Hot Chili Peppers' music reminds me of walking home from school on a really hot day as a kid and you're so tired and hot you just want to die because it won't end.

If every sober night is as hilarious and fun as this one was, this sobriety thing is gonna be a breeze!

If every sober night is as hilarious and fun as this one was, this sobriety thing is gonna be a breeze! What in the funny are my friends?!

Went camping last Friday night, got really wasted, passed out, woke up in my car at 6:30am with my engine running...

Went camping last Friday night, got really wasted, passed out, woke up in my car at 6:30am with my engine running and my heater on full-blast. Fuck you, environment.

Did Charles Barkley have a stroke and I didn't hear about it? Did he get a retainer? What is wrong with him?

Who parts their hair in the middle? Just rapists.

My knowledge of professional basketball ends with NBA Jam and the movie "Eddie."

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Ayn Rand, Paul Ryan, and both Pauls (Ron and Rand) can go fuck off somewhere.