Hey girls: #TitsUniversity is not an accredited university/real place.

Hey girls: #TitsUniversity is not an accredited university/real place. Stop proudly demonstrating that you went there.

If I'm really into a gal I ask her if she'd wanna ride the Tony Express back to the Tone Zone with the Tone Ranger.

If I'm really into a gal I ask her if she'd wanna ride the Tony Express back to the Tone Zone with the Tone Ranger. Doug Carr tells me my virginity is growing back.

7 motherfucking words: Rob Delaney. Trolley Square Wiseguys. April 1st. So, how many tickets should I plan on buying?

Spotify + Last.

Spotify + Last.fm have completely changed the way I listen to music for the better, probably even more than my first iPod did.

Anti-immigrant Arizona sheriff who threatened ex-lover with deportation resigns as co-chair of Romney campaign.

Anti-immigrant Arizona sheriff who threatened ex-lover with deportation resigns as co-chair of Romney campaign.
http://www.azcentral.com/members/Blog/azdc/155462

I know it's trite, but if there were a class taught about Woody Allen and his films, I would make sure it ran 24...

I know it's trite, but if there were a class taught about Woody Allen and his films, I would make sure it ran 24 hours a day, and I would somehow find a way to simultaneously take and teach the class, and I would do that for the rest of my life, until I died.

I just realized that I'm a wannabe Renaissance man; I'm like James Franco, except worse at everything, even though I...

I just realized that I'm a wannabe Renaissance man; I'm like James Franco, except worse at everything, even though I smoke less pot.

Bouncing Souls, Anti-Flag, Dropkick Murphys, Goldfinger, and my all-time fave NOFX are all releasing new albums in...

Bouncing Souls, Anti-Flag, Dropkick Murphys, Goldfinger, and my all-time fave NOFX are all releasing new albums in 2012, but I'm more excited to see what comes from my favorite new band of 2011, Brooklyn's Cerebral Ballzy! New bands being formed that play the music most near & dear to my heart ('80s-style hardcore punk) are an exceedingly rare thing — I'm so stoked that Williams Street signed these guys, giving them a chance to put out records and tour and play the kind of music that I ♥ the most! Please friends, enjoy this incredibly rad video for this incredibly perfect song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewLgv8yY4lk

“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” — Oscar Wilde

I opened a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese using the perforated semicircle on the side of the box.

I opened a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese using the perforated semicircle on the side of the box. Once. I have never been able to replicate it.

It turns out I am an expert in animal heart rates.

I just realized it’s weird that Dr. Dre shouts out Pasadena in "California Love."