Fanning the Flames of Revolution with a Whole Lot of Hot Air

The title says it all; even when there's really nothing new to be pissed off about, I'll find something. I'm taking a more domestic slant this time. Strap yourselves in, here we go...

The State of the Union is Pathetic: I know, the address was a little while ago, and much to the pleasure of us liberals, it was rather uneventful, exceeded only in lame-ness by the Democratic response. No new, sweeping programs to initiate and no real surprises; just the same party line and 70-percent-rhetoric-30-percent-actual-infromation cocktail which we have come to expect from this administration (as anyone who listens to the President's weekly radio addresses already knows). The most eventful part of the evening came when the President pissed off Hillary, but it's cool, the Democrats got him back when they cheered the demise of his Social Security privatization plan! Aww, snap bitch!

Who The Fuck is Alan Greenspan, Anyway?: Again, it's been a little while, but why should we care that the Federal Reserve Chairman stepped down? Because it's quite arguably the second-most powerful position on Earth, and for the past two decades it's been held by a laissez-faire Objectivist who also happened to be an economic and financial genius. Here's hoping his replacement Ben Bernanke is as clairvoyant as his predecessor.

Nobody Ever Called Thomas Nast an Asshole: In the post-nuclear-apocalyptic world of the future, when the dust from WWIII has settled, the horribly-mutated survivors will be orally recounting the history of the human race, and when they come to the part about what ignited the last great conflict, the answer will be...cartoons? Yes, the Muslim world is pissed again, this time because of some Danish political cartoons poking fun at their "prophet" Muhammad. They say this shit wouldn't fly with Jesus or Moses -- obviously no one in the Muslim world watches The Simpsons, Family Guy or South Park. About a dozen people have died in the ensuing violence, which (as much as I hate to agree with Condie Rice) most Islamic nations do seem to be encouraging. Last week, Iran's leading newspaper announced their own cartoon contest for drawings mocking the Holocaust. Seems like a fair tradeoff; poke a little fun at our alleged prophet, we make light of a real historical tragedy which recently occurred to your entire group of people. They'll just keep one-upping each other on the insensitive-prick-scale until the violence erupts into all out war over a fucking cartoon, though I suppose there have been wars fought over even more ridiculous, trivial things (stolen buckets, a British Captain's severed ear, an African marital disagreement, pigs, dogs, and soccer games).

If I hadn't already devoted an entire blog entry to my utter contempt of and absolute disgust with all things religious, I would take this opportunity to say that all religions are fucking clown shoes. Instead I will just briefly state that they are all mountains of trivialities built on a foundation of lies and mortared together with weakness and ignorance. All the supposed "prophets," from Muhammad to Jesus, Moses to Joseph Smith, the historical Buddha to Gordon B. Hinckley, were/are malicious, delusional, lying fools.

All right, if there's anyone out there I haven't alienated yet, post your thoughts!

Beside Every Great Man is an Even Greater Woman

This is Black History month. Both during his lifetime and afterwards, Martin Luther King Jr.'s enemies leveled some pretty nasty allegations at him. While he was a devout Christian with a very traditional attitude towards women, I don't know if the charges of spousal abuse, infidelity and plagiarism are founded or not. But I do believe that his widow Coretta Scott King's compassion, strength, activism (and, by most accounts, ego) exceeded that of her late husband. She died yesterday. She may not have had the lasting influence he had, but she not only continued struggles her husband had been involved in but also fought for some causes her husband would've arguably never touched: civil rights, the Vietnam War, hunger, unemployment, voting rights, racism, racial profiling, mandatory minimum sentences, affirmative action, apartheid and gay and women's rights issues all received her attention. Given the fact that our state legislature doesn't even observe her husband's federal holiday (which she helped establish) I'd say the odds of her getting a street named after her in Salt Lake City (and thus joining the illustrious ranks of her husband, Rosa Parks, Cesar Chavez and John Stockton) are pretty slim. She will be sorely fucking missed.

I Got Fucked by ExxonMobil and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

The oil giant just posted the largest profit earnings reports by any American company. Ever. Okay, kinda lame but not unexpected. Now remember that we're fighting a war, in an oil-producing country, and that two hurricanes supposedly hampered their production. Then remember how high prices have been at the pump since the war started. Remember how long you waited in line to get gas after Katrina and how much you were paying for months afterwards. Folks, we have just been fucking fleeced. And it wasn't just ExxonMobil; ConocoPhillips, Chevron, Shell and all those motherfuckers made out pretty well in a year when they should've downgraded profit forecasts and posted only slight gains. But when the story broke, it was a one-day story. So what the hell are we gonna do about this? If you have to buy gas, buy it from Citgo or BP. BP has just as many evil merit badges for controversial pipelines and human rights abuses as any other oil company and its forward-thinking image is criticized for being merely a marketing gimmick, but under John Browne they've become more progressive than any other petroleum company. They devote more to the development of alternative energy than any other energy company, are a leading producer of solar panels (which most of their gas station run on), have renounced campaign contributions and actually acknowledged global warming! They also have a reputation for taking opponents such as Greenpeace seriously and actually sitting down at the table with them and following through on negotiations. There aren't any BP stations in Utah, but some BP brands include Amoco, Castrol, AM/PM and ARCO. As for Citgo, they are owned by the Venezuelan state-owned petroleum company. Their president Hugo Chavez (whom the religious right loves to hate; Pat Robertson even called for his assassination) puts most of his country's petrochemical profits into social and economic programs, a move he has been criticized for (by soulless business suits). Buying gas from these folks probably wont even put a dent in big oil profits, but at least you won't be an asshole.